May 14, 2012
Journal No. 11

Herro Herro!

The past 3 weeks told of dramas, anxiety and breakdowns but… spilled milk is spilled.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and although I wasn’t able to physically be there with my mom to celebrate as so much I wished I could have been, like the majority (if not all) of my friends did, I was able to have a tasteful glimpse of another joyful family gathering with cousins and relatives.

So the day started with a lazy morning where I was dragged out of bed woken up by my older cousin as she had arranged for ‘yum cha’ in Preston. Initially, due to my going to bed at 4am, I was really tired and was really hesitant on going but a whole flash of spiritual thoughts flew across my mind in a couple of minutes to convince me otherwise. These thoughts depicted the lack of eventful years I have to spare with family seeing that life is so short and fragile and mostly pre-occupied with personal businesses to take care of. Yum Cha was awesome. Food was great and service was exceptionally well keeping in mind that my family is known to be quite a pain to deal with in restaurants hehehe… I’m not going to help market Golden Leaf Preston but this place is a highly recommended Chinese restaurant.

Now the day doesn’t end here just yet… I went window shopping for suits at Hugo Boss which makes me think of my graduation in a little over a year, if everything goes according to plan, and then to Westfield Doncaster just to kill a couple of hours. Later in the evening was another family feast at another cousin’s. She had a punching bag and oh how I enjoyed smashing the hell out of it! We had ‘hot pot’ and I was quite satisfied with myself as I subtly volunteered to do all the dishes afterwards as well as sharpen all their knives and choppers for them (a weirdly unique interest/hobby of mine). 

Now I’ll be brutally honest with myself and admit that last week was a total ‘bludge’  but I’ll have to blame the nervous breakdown for that. I unintentionally missed the whole week of Uni.

I guess this post should be a sufficient end bit of last week’s procrastination and I really should start getting back to catching up with work.

“It doesn’t matter how slow you go, so long as you don’t stop” - Confucius.

Ciao!
~Colin J

April 24, 2012
Journal No. 10

Hi All!

Now before I start on yet another intensive brain draining (I’m going to plagiarise anyway)  assignment. I just thought I’d make a post about my recent activities and the lack thereof just so I have something to reflect on later and that you guys who love stalking me have something to read about my open life ~jk jk you read this because you love me and, quite frankly, I love you too!

But anywho..


Where to start… perhaps the Melbourne meetup which I have had with a whole bunch of randoms some of my good friends and some new people would be a good way to start.  

From what I can recall, that Saturday was full of fun and excitement, to say the least, I found it rather interesting. The day ranged from buying gay manga from Minotaur to just chilling in the state library and taking pictures from one of those asian photo machine thingamajig (I’m not very asian when it comes to asian pop culture). Initially, I had planned for billiard but the lack of interest just made that part of the day seem a little less interesting to everybody else. Oh yeah.. and that girl that I am obsessed over  gave me a dollar coin for my “trust funds” which I still keep dearly to this day xD Shh… it’s a secret  I think I should spend it soon as it’s not doing me any good as I will later dwell a fair bit on.


I’ve been pretty good with studies for the past week or two scoring High Distinctions and Distinctions in grades until just recently when I found myself stuck in this love/obsession coma with this same girl I’ve been talking about. So basically what happens is whenever I’m trying to study, I can’t seem to focus as I’m always subconsciously thinking of her and how I can get her to like me or how there is still a chance for me to be with her. Unfortunately, my life isn’t a fairy tale just yet and it doesn’t always go as according to plan as I’d so deeply wish it would. The only reason why I have to give up is because all this self nuisance has come to the point where it’s affecting my abilities to study and the only sane (or insane some would call it) is to delete her from everywhere possible and hope that eventually she’ll be out of my mind too. So just last night I made the move and now I’m trying to move on.. well not exactly move on.. but forget her and just focus on studies. I know that end of semester 1 holidays are coming up in 2 months and if I do have any sanity left in me I’d try not to think of her the same way and just be good friends with her.

Well.. now that I think I have covered pretty much everything to due date, I guess it’s time to continue with this stewpid assignment Q.Q

I hope your love lives aren’t as depressing as mine. I make it way too hard for myself this time.. I really hate the idea of giving up as it’s not something I do often.

Now “May the odds be forever in your favor!”  in your lives.
Peace ^^
~Colin J 

April 8, 2012
Journal No. 9

Hi there!

The past few days told of emotional ups and downs. Not so much ups but being able to control my stress was a big plus.

Yet another sorrowful post.. hahaha I’ll try not to make it hard on you guys by dumping all my sadness with you and instead highlight some of the ways I managed to get out of emotionally disastrous situations.

Surprise surprise, it’s my love life that brings about majority of the stresses that I inherit but hey! I brought this upon myself simply because I am way too picky >.< Now I was emotionally crushed knowing that the chances of me being with this particular 1 in 6,000,000,000 was cut down severely. I didn’t confess or anything so I’m still playing my cards in the shadows but knowing that her interested lied else where, I’ll have to prove my worth a lot harder. Initially when I first found out about her lack of interest in persons like me.. I instantly thought the world was over and I was in this whole emo situation. I had work the following morning and yeah, it was the worst day ever. But leading back home, I did what I usually do best and headed straight to the basketball courts to have a go at the ring.

The physical exercise was a good way to get stress out of my system and along with that.. I had a lovely conversation with a friend of mine. I find this whole blood circulation thing working really well with my stress management and I would probably encourage you to take a jog or something when you’re stressed.. or even call your best friend up and have a talk about it. You’d feel so much better! I’m not a psychiatrist or anything and what I do may not be the right response to everyone’s problems but it worked for me. Writing helps too! Look.. I’m writing it out just as we speak (technically, we aren’t speaking but oh well.. it sounded nice :P)

 So I came to a conclusion that despite having a disadvantage against all odds, I’d still try as hard as I can and give it my best ever shot at chasing her! If I ever do fail.. I’ll cut myself and go die in the gutter  ”try and try again until the lambs become lions”. Yep, I ain’t giving up on this one. I will show her I am loyal and will try my bestest best to always be there when she needs me.

 Awww… how gay. No seriously! Never say die! :)

Peace!!
~Love. Colin 

March 31, 2012
Journal No. 8

Hi there!!!

My fair guess is that it has most probably been over a year since I have last posted and I can’t tell you how unreliable and self burdened I am feeling right now as I have failed to carry out what seems to be the simplest of most task; to write my diary.

A year has passed, at the blink of an eye and it seems I have mentally matured a fair bit over these past 12 months. Being able to finally support myself with my basic living expenses has surely developed some sort of frugality to a degree where I no longer have to leach of my parents rely on parents for money. Of course, as an international student I am only limited as to certain amount of working hours a week and hence, not able to pay my own rent and school fees with the money I’m making. This maturity has also lead to me creating my own savings account and to my very own surprise, I have managed to save what seem to me a fairly huge sum of money, keeping into mind that I was once a huge impulsive shopaholic thinking that I can have anything I ever wanted.

Looking back at my previous posts, I can’t help but feel extremely embarrassed but also somewhat happy to see the changes in myself. Hahaha.. why the hell did I get that Burberry bag which I scarcely use and that camera.. I don’t even know where it went. I can’t say that I haven’t completely zoned out of my shopping habits seeing as I have recently bought a new phone, speakers and earphones but I did so to remind myself I was still a sane person. I read from either ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’ or ‘What I Didn’t Learn at School but Wish I Had’ that it was a good habit to reward yourself for a good reason to keep an ongoing motivation. I may have overly rewarded myself in that case and I guess I was a little silly.. but I’m appreciating all I have and not so much looking forward to what I don’t have (like I used to before).

Relationships~~~
This section of my life has always been a mystery even to myself. I am a very open person and almost all my friends would know exactly how I feel about girls and what sort of weirdo I am in that I am a lot more interested in white Caucasian girls. I guess it’s the fact that I find overseas born asian a tad too superficial and the asian immigrants a little to hard to understand due to cultural differences. Don’t get me wrong though, I still hold a lot of asian values in me, it’s just that I don’t really get along with them and I have never bothered to.
It’s kinda hard looking for that “perfect” girl to appear and quite frankly, I have met several girl whom I thought to be “the one”. **Sigh… I think I’m just having a moment of fantasy again. Who am I kidding? I’m just a 19 year old 2nd year uni student trying hard to figure life out.

Speaking of life and it’s abouts, I seriously have to start thinking about my future. I have lost all interest with this Computer Science course that I am doing and passing Uni could be a problem if I continue to procrastinate due to the lack of motivation. I initially thought I could easily just establish a business and become the long envisioned entrepreneur I had imagined myself to be but after seeing what capital I possess or the lack thereof, I think this fancy dream of mine might have to be unfavourably postponed to my dismay. My potential inheritance from dad’s well substantiated empire is something I do not wish I will ever have to rely on so I’ll have to pensively overthrow myself out of this horrid picture.

Wow~~ so much more to say but I don’t think I can be bothered writing more as much as my inner self wants.

Hope this was an interesting read.

Have fun guys!!
~Much love. Colin 

June 1, 2011
vane553:

#Inspirational Words: La verdad duele, pero no mata. Las mentiras pueden complacer, pero no sanan.

vane553:

#Inspirational Words: La verdad duele, pero no mata. Las mentiras pueden complacer, pero no sanan.

May 23, 2011
Personality Test

Okay… so I was bored one day, and probably lost in life, coz no way in hell was I going to pay for a personality test. As by instinct, I followed my curiosity and the feedbacks and results were certainly a 95%+, definitely worth the $40 odd dollars for the whole set. Anyway, for those of you who want to know who I really am… and if you have the time to do so, (or if you wana get to know me better) this feedback (note: I didn’t write this myself, a personality test which I paid for generated this) states it best about me more than I can ever tell you :)

Your Five Personality Factors

Extroversion

Where is your energy naturally directed? Extroverts’ energy is directed

primarily outward, towards people and things outside of themselves.

Introverts’ energy is directed primarily inward, towards thoughts,

perceptions, and reactions.

30

Extrovert:

Energy comes

from other people

Introvert:

Energy comes

from self

Your Result

• Your score of 30 classifies you as ‘moderate with tendency towards

low’ in extroversion.

Your Feedback

• Your mix between the traits of introversion and extroversion

creates an interesting situation: extroverts tend to be more naturally

active, expressive, social, and interested in many things,

whereas introverts tend to be more reserved, reflective, private,

and interested in fewer interactions, but with greater depth and

focus. You manifest both tendencies and often waiver between

the two, often for weeks at a time. This makes you interesting

and unpredictable to many people.

• While you do have a social side, being around large groups of

people tends to reduce your energy reserves over time. You recover

energy best by spending some time alone, by having space

11

either physically or mentally. Many people are afraid of silence

and of self-reflection. You are not.

• You are observant and perceptive, viewing the world with a

quiet understanding. Being so intensively observant of one’s self

and of others is often an automatic response - you do it without

effort or intention. Your sensitivity to many stimuli, then, makes

it that you need / prefer to limit your interactions, especially social.

You are likely to have a select, small number of friends that

you know well, rather than a large amount of acquaintances that

you know only superficially.

12

Emotionality

Emotionality refers to the sensitivity of the emotional response: the

number and strength of stimuli required to elicit emotions in a person.

People who measure high in the trait of emotionality tend to be more

sensitive to stimuli than those who measure low.

95

Calm Excitable

Your Result

• Your score of 95 classifies you as high in emotionality.

Your Feedback

• You are very aware of and reactive to stimuli. It is a unique asset

that you are so connected with the surrounding environment and

social context. Many people have become numb to their emotions.

You are not.

• Because of your reactivity to stimuli, you may find it easy to

have your feelings affected, experience distress, or take things

personally. When you feel good, you feel really good. However,

when you feel discontented, you feel really discontented.

• In negative situations, remember the following quote: The situation

is never either good nor bad, it is only thinking that makes

it so. Cognitive theorists believe that we can change our emotional

experiences by simply changing the way we appraise the situation,

our thinking about the nature and cause of events.

13

Thoroughness

Thoroughness refers to task-focus. A person who is high in thoroughness

tends to focus on one task at a time, exhibiting the self-discipline

associated with such a focus. A person low in thoroughness tends to

pursue a larger number of tasks at one time, exhibiting the distractibility

associated with diffuse focus.

94

Focus on one

thing at a time

Focus on many

things at once

Your Result

• Your score of 94 classifies you as high in thoroughness.

Your Feedback

• You take your commitments seriously, are self-sufficient, and

reliable. You are easily motivated; when you establish a particular

area of interest you are persistent toward each goal. You feel

pride in being capable and effective. You like to get things done.

• You are a person of your word. When you say you will do

something, you do it. You appreciate when others do the same.

• Organizational skills come naturally to you. Disorganized situations

strike you as chaotic; you are uncomfortable when you

have to function without a schedule or clear plan. You work best

when the purpose of a situation is understood by you. You

therefore tend to automatically organize such topics in your mind.

• You like to do things one step at a time. You hate leaving things

linger.

• Research shows that people who score high in thoroughness

make the best employees, managers, executives. They are more

14

likely to become leaders, gain status, get promoted, earn higher

salaries, feel a greater sense of commitment to their tasks.

• When commitment turns extreme, it can result in work-aholism.

If you are not a workaholic, it must be that you are selective in

the projects you undertake, or it must be that you excel in time

management. Value these skills.

15

Openness

Openness refers to one’s orientation toward novelty. A person who

scores high in Openness is fascinated with what is new and innovative.

A person who scores low in Openness is fascinated with what is established

and perseverant.

70

Prefer structure Prefer change / novelty

Your Result

• Your score of 70 classifies you as ‘moderate with tendency towards

high’ in openness need.

Your Feedback

• You are an explorer. You have broad interests, are curious and

unconventional, welcome change, and appreciate new approaches.

• You do not have rigid views about right and wrong, appropriate

and inappropriate. You have a preference for novel, unfamiliar

activities rather than traditional, practical activities, norms or

conventions.

16

Agreeableness

Agreeableness refers to the degree to which people make their actions

depend upon the behaviour of other people. A person who scores high

in agreeableness has a strong willingness to empathize and connect

with others. A person who scores low in agreeableness has a strong

willingness to follow his or her own inner voice.

79

Strong-willed / independent Empathetic / considerate

Your Result

• Your score of 79 classifies you as ‘moderate with tendency towards

high’ in agreeableness.

Your Feedback

• You are perceptive, intuitive, and empathetic. You are a good

listener, having the talent to hear not only what is said, but also

what is not said. You are skilled in reading body language.

• As a moderate in agreeableness, you have found a good balance

point. You are sensitive to the emotional currents of others, yet

you understand that people are responsible for their own happiness.

You recognize that it is important to take time for yourself,

and that it is not possible to please everyone.

Your Primary Motivation

• You strive to establish meaningful relationships with those surrounding

you. Relating and connecting with others is important

to you. You are good-natured, caring, and optimistic. You have

17

a genuine interest in others. You are good at promoting harmony

and cooperation.

• Because you are interested in others, you are automatically interesting

to those who get to know you. This is the secret to

charisma.

• You understand the art of appreciation. You often thank, compliment

and congratulate. You prefer to clear up disagreements

rather than to let them linger. You know how to approach subjects

tactfully.

April 11, 2011

April 11, 2011
what-the-fuck-ever:

Alexander McQueen

what-the-fuck-ever:

Alexander McQueen

April 10, 2011
I don’t care if you’re black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you. Simple as that.

(Source: sotypicalme, via ohsoshiny)

April 10, 2011
Journal No. 7

Helllloooooooo THERE!

Hm… been a while since I last wrote….. ZZzzzz been extremely lazy

Anyways, tomorrow marks the commencement of the 7th week of University. Not to brag but to be proud of myself for once, I am currently sitting on straight high distinctions, being the good by as expected from my ever-so-demanding parents. Hehehe… I have a math assignment due tomorrow and I have finished it the week before have not even bothered looking at it. Apparently its fairly straight forward and simple and that’d be my major my excuse to procrastinate once more.

What is university life like you ask?

Hm… its looking pretty good and if you’re the person who loves to do a lot of studying and working, its probably what you’re looking towards to after high school. For me, its the fact that I have established a nice group of friends that suppresses the bore I underwent during the 4 months of holidays after high school.

Although today was meant to be our first outing as a group, due to the highly deranged trip to the cinemas, I have chosen not to go and it turned out only 3 of them went in the end xD hehehe… again my instinct serves me right :D

Drinking has become a regular weekend routine, and sometimes during the week too if I can’t help it. Hahaha… it makes me sound like an ‘alco’ but I swear, I’m not! Hm… in regards to me smoking, yeah, I’ve stopped but that doesn’t mean that I won’t think about it everyone once in a while upon stress and the hardest part is to resist the once irresistible.

Hm… so in my personal conclusion:
Drinking: YES, sometimes and NOT alone
Smoking:  NO, unless its almost the end of the world and you wana try something new.

Quotes that I’m currently living by that’s making me what I am today?
-The vow that binds too strictly, snaps itself 
-To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that’s all.
-Don’t wait. The timing will never be just right.
-Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.
-This above all: To your own self, be true.

Well, that’s all I have to share for today.. Hope all you sexy people out there are having the time of your life!

Take it easy! xD

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